I see the “Cromnibus” fuck-fest $1.1 trillion spending bill passed by the despicable vote of 219 to 206. Great – rich people can keep making money while I take it up the ass. Or did this mean something else? Please, enlighten me in the comments with your wisdom.
I’ve said it before on this site – those idiots in Congress need to go. I don’t need anymore old men and women telling me how to live my life, or making laws, or telling me what’s best for my life.
So how could we take the power out of their hands? It’s simple – give them so much money that they don’t have to squabble over it like chickens in the yard after the feed’s grown sparse.
Here are 10 simple ways to avoid government shutdowns by eliminating wasteful spending, and thus allowing those clowns to argue over something instead of nothing:
- Legalize Marijuana: Just legalize it across the country and tax it at 8%. That’s adding $16 to a $200 ounce…an amount people will be willing to pay, allowing the black market to collapse. Since we know 10% of Montanans smoke each month, that’s a $127.2 million a year industry and that means we can get $10.1 million a year in taxes, times 50, which is $508.8 million in extra taxes each year, just on the consumer side of the industry.
- Document Illegals: If we’re going to turn our back on illegal aliens being in the country and working, then let’s not turn our back on their earnings. Let’s actually turn and face them and stick out our hand and say, “give me your fucking money, asshole – welcome to America.” I’m sick and tired of illegal immigrants not paying taxes on their illegal earnings, and then getting earned income tax credits on top of it. That’s $4 billion a year right there.
- Stop Paying “Disabled:” Why are we paying disability benefits to people that aren’t disabled? Hey, I’d love to get sick or get hurt and then get better, and still get the fucking check in the mail each month. Even better is if I get it for life. Where do I sign-up for that? Because if others can do that with no reason, why can’t I? Close this shit up, save $1.3 billion a year, and kick those “disabled” folks out to the job line.
- Start Funding Fraud Investigation: If we want to be serious about cleaning up fraud, we’ve got to fund fraud investigation. Yeah, what a concept. All these Republican businessmen don’t understand that you have to spend money to make money. Start getting some hard-ass fraud investigators, perhaps former veterans with PTSD. I have a feeling the amount of fraud and abuse of the system will go down real quick, and the amount of veterans killing themselves as well. It’s amazing what kicking in the teeth of someone hurting America can do to you, isn’t it? And we can save $128.9 billion a year on top of it.
- End Oil Tax Breaks: Why are we holding the oil companies’ hand? Why can’t they do business on their own, like grownups would? Do we need to put them back at the kiddie table, like where they were a hundred years ago? Never forget it was those assholes that started the Teapot Dome scandal, which Montana Senator Thomas J. Walsh had a large part in cleaning up. I’m talking about corruption, and you should read my book Hustlers and Homesteaders to learn more on that. Until then, just know that oil companies don’t care about you; the $2.4 billion a year we give them in subsidies and tax breaks proves that.
- Pull Troops from Japan: We won WWII back in 1945, and it’s time to bring the boys home. The base in Japan costs the American taxpayers $4 billion each year, and honestly, what do we have to show for that? A more secure Pacific? Don’t feed me bullshit and tell me it’s caviar! Pull those troops out, close the base, and let the Asians handle their own sphere of influence!
- Let the Koreans Fend for Themselves: We call it the Forgotten War for a reason – no one wants to remember it. What have the South Koreans done for us lately, besides drain our treasury? And if they’re so important, why can’t they fend for themselves, why can’t other countries in the region help them do that? I’m tired of paying $1.1 billion a year just in administrative costs. (The Koreans pay $920 billion for 5 years!) That war ended in ’53 – bring those troops home.
- Propping up the Rich: Why do we keep propping up rich assholes and businesses to the tune of $80 billion a year? Stop that! If they can’t take care of themselves or they can’t stay in business by themselves, they have what happens to me or any other small business person – their ass winds up on the street, in the cold, and without a pot to piss in. Why is this so hard to understand?
- Quarter the DoD Base Budget: Cut a quarter of the yearly $496 billion Department of Defense base budget and you’re saving $124 billion a year. We can do this. We don’t need more aircraft carriers, fancy troop armor, or brass-chested generals. And I’d rather do that now than cut three-quarters in another decade. Let’s not end up like Rome did in the late 4th-century.
- Tackle the National Debt: The biggest problem we see, and the problem that will join the two fringe wings of the Democratic and Republican parties, is the national debt. Right now we pay $222.75 billion a year in interest on the national debt…although it’s probably higher by now. That’s just pissing money right down the drain. And this is why we need people that know a household budget to get into power – the government cannot run its finances.
The federal government is a joke, and we all saw that tonight in Washington. Let’s hope these idiots finally get voted out of office and responsible people, people willing to do the difficult tasks needed to get this country back on track, get into office.
America is a mess, but we poor assholes in basements can still find ways to save $568.9 billion – there’s hope.